I suddenly found that my mum really love me,and then I know what love is.
She , after all those stuff , she just did what she had used to do.Little little things just the same,although we both changed.But at one time I suddenly found something which I lost,and I found that all the time I thought I was all right was such a stupid girl.
Yes,I thought I was all right,the conflict came just because the difference between our two generations.Though they both two brought me too many sufferings,but I did really hurt their small hearts too.Clearly,hurt.and deep.
I betrayed her,she gave me life and love and careness but I unconditionally betrayed her.Just because the youth,the enthusiasm and the impulsiveness , maybe I’m randy sometimes aussi.
And Alain told me that my life is mine,I control it , it’s mine.I’ve the power of deciding.The moment he told me I was exactly thinking as him told me.Even long before he told me,I had got it.I own my life,and I can decide all parts,even as small as a sand,as far as it belongs to me,I can decide.
But now I find I’m wrong.Human never can be free,never can we get real freedom,because as long as we’ve got love,we’re limited by the men and women we love and love us.Our life is shared by others all the time.
Maybe it’s really the deep-thing at the bottom of Chinese.Younger,I was just adopting the new and strong but in-bone-weak western moral.Opening up,Opening out , but finally I’ve got to come back,and go no far.Because I love my mon.and that ugly dad.
I don’t know really now again,maybe next second I’ve another sudden clearity too.
thinking,and next time then…